“what can’t stay goes away, it starts stopping when it starts stopping”

I saw Ben Kweller in concert tonight :-) and he was AMAZING

Seriously, one of the best concerts I have ever been to including last summer with all my Jonas concerts.

I can relate to his lyrics, and the way he writes about love gives me hope that I will find someone perfect for me. He himself gives me hope of this too because he can’t be the only guy out there who can think and write such cute and beautiful and fun things about life and love.

I guess I need to accept that if you wanted to be with me you would be and if you wanted to have anything to do with me you would. Just because people tell me what to do doesn’t mean I do it. I am however leaving you alone, that’s what you want after all. I will be here if you ever want to talk, if you ever need a friend, if you ever decide you miss me. I may stop posting depressing stuff here every two seconds, but it doesn’t mean I have stopped thinking or caring about you. I think about you all the time and there is no way I will ever forget about you. There are too many things in my everyday life that remind me of you. Movies, songs, places, quotes, etc. etc. I don’t want to forget you though. When things remind me of you I just smile to myself and think back on all of the good times we had together. I don’t even know if you will read this, but I thought I would write it just in case you do so you know what I’m thinking. I feel like if I have any hope of having you back even as a friend I need to let go. I have done all I can do, I have made my feelings known, if you want to be my friend, you will be, if you don’t then I wish you happiness in life. I’m not mad, I just wish things turned out differently. Everything happens for a reason though, so there has to be some reason we came into each others lives. I know that you have changed my life and I would be a completely different person if I had never met you. This is a good thing. I only hope you can say the same about me and that you don’t look back on our friendship and think it was a mistake and things would be better if you had never met me. I have lost a friend before and it was one of the most painful things I have ever been through. This is even more painful because your friendship means more to me than most.

I’m just rambling now… and don’t be afraid to talk to me sometime… I won’t cry or make a big deal about it, it would just make me very happy to speak to you even if it is for only a minute. But if you don’t want to talk to me that’s ok too… not really, but I will understand. Even the closest friends who once spoke everyday can lose what they have…

You will always have a very special place in my heart, I just hope there is someone out there who can fill this void… i really do. I’m worried I will go through the rest of my life comparing everyone to you which is what I do with everyone… when I first talked to you I thought to myself that you were someone I could see myself with. I’m yet to meet someone who else who I think this about.

Here’s to hoping things turn out wonderfully for both of us whether that means we stay friends or not. Maybe in 50 years from now we will run into each other and will finally be able to be friends again. If I have to wait that long to talk to you again it would be worth it and better than never hearing from you again at all. Good luck my friend, you will always be in my heart.